she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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