Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
