i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
