There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
