Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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