it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
