My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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