Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
