Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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