I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
