She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
