you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
whose parrot is this?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize