I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
