turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
