I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
