we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize