New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will be naked everywhere
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
