there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
