In the future we'll all be gay
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
