No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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