Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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