i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
