Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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