Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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