I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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