I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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