rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
