Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
