we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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