they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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