There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
