Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
