I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
