maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
