my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
