you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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