I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
