I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
