I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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