You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
