you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
