I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
