i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
