Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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