2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
