Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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