I just pynch a tree in the face
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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