Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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