Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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