a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
