apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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