i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
