worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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