I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
