yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
