There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
