people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
