my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
