We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
