Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
