4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just tell him i said nine months
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
