There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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