Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
