No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
