Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize