I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
