I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
