An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
