dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
