My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
