He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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